


I Make Fun Of RWBY Ships

by Crazyman03



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Dirty Jokes, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Horny Teenagers, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Idiots in Love, M/M, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Non-Graphic Smut, Parent-Child Relationship, Sexual Humor, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24549031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyman03/pseuds/Crazyman03
Summary: A brief and satirical compilation of RWBY fan shipping. The fandom which is often frowned upon due to the amount of matchmaking between characters of the show. Which is why I'm going to make fun of- I mean, deride the fandom with what I think would be a light-hearted, humor-filled piece of literature.Please don't kill me...For the love of Oum.
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Ruby Rose, Cinder Fall/Ruby Rose, Jaune Arc/Nora Valkyrie, Jaune Arc/Yang Xiao Long, Lie Ren/Nora Valkyrie, Nora Valkyrie/Cardin Winchester, Nora Valkyrie/Neptune Vasilias, Pyrrha Nikos/Ruby Rose, Ruby Rose/Nora Valkyrie, Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee, Ruby Rose/Yang Xiao Long
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	1. Ruby Rose [Girls 1-2]

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I'm Crazyman03 with some A/N.
> 
> I originate from Fanfiction.net. This story also comes from that site as well. But I've decided to share this story to my fellow AO3 people. The A/N of the document is actually the old A/N. I've decided to include it 'cuz I'm a lazy dumbass.
> 
> I will also post this A/N if I decided to move my other stories to this site as well.
> 
> But enough chatter, let's get this show on the road.

**I'm gonna die, am I?**

**Hello and welcome to my very serious and totally-not-a-shitpost RWBY fanfic...The hell am I kidding? Saying that this story is a joke is pretty much my saving grace. It's the only shield I have from the horde of RWBY shippers that will rain youthful (or oldful) fury on me.**

**But I'm not going to say that! 'Cause my name is Crazyman and I ain't afraid of offending people!**

***Sees horde of Bumblebee, Arkos and White Rose fans approaching***

**Oh shi-**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**Ruby Rose [Girls 1-2]**

**White Rose (Ruby x Weiss): Terrible Confessions**

"Alright, Ruby. Stay calm. Don't panic. Don't panic." She repeated over and over again as she walked towards their dorm room. Her heart was constanly beating-

Well. Duh. If her heart stopped beating, then she'd be dead! Right?!

Okay, what she meant to say was her heart was constantly beating like _crazy_! Her head was spinning and she was pretty sure she saw Nevermores flying around her head. _"S_ _hoo! Go away you mean birdies! Your dad already attacked me during initiation! I don't need you attacking me now!"_

As she used her hand to scare away the cute little Nevermores away from her face, she started reminding herself of the things she had to say to the snow-haired heiress of the team...

Weiss Schnee.

Ever since she had met the girl, Ruby always felt something from within her. She became a lot more nervous than she usually was, she can't maintain eye contact with her very long, and her face turned red every time she sees her. Not only that, but her stomach feels super weird whenever Jaune flirts with her. Like she wants to hurt Jaune or flirt with Weiss all of a sudden.

She thought she was sick or something, which is why she always carries a plastic bag or two with her! So if she ends up vomiting around Weiss, she can quickly throw it away!

Although, Jaune _always_ was the one to use it whenever they had to go to Vale. Poor Jaune.

But then she realized that she wasn't actually sick with Weiss. Far from it actually.

No. She was in-

"-LOVE OF OUM, NORA!" A female shrieked from inside Team JNPR's dorm room. Ruby could already tell it was Jaune who screamed, not many girls could scream like he does! He's like a dolphin! Or was it a whale? "Why did you replace the water with pancake syrup!?"

Being snapped out of her thoughts, the rose-themed girl saw that she was already just outside her dorm room. The nervousness she lost just now returned at full power, suddenly making her freeze up all of a sudden. She took in some breaths while consoling herself.

"Okay, Ruby. It's just Weiss! You just want to hang out with her, like always! It's nothing new!" Her hand slowly neared the doorknob as she comforted herself with words that didn't do jack for her mental state. "You can do this...You can do this...You can..."

...

...

...

Her hand touched the knob.

"I CAN'T DO THIS!"

She banged her face on the door, before quickly regretting it and placing a hand over her forehead. "Owie..."

Ruby then sat right next to the door with her back facing the wall. It was already late at night so she didn't have to worry about people staring at her. She wrapped her arms around her knees as she groaned in frustration and covered her face with her hands. Why was she like this?! It's just Weiss anyways! It's not like it's a boy that she rarely ever sees, since both of them live in the same room!

She was too busy whining at herself that she had failed to notice that the door to the dorm was open. A lone person witnessing Ruby's mental breakdown from inside the room.

"Oh, Weiss." Ruby dramatically sighed; still not aware of the fact that someone was watching her. "How can I confess when I can't even enter our dorm room in fear of seeing your face?"

"Ruby?"

"How can I wake up in the morning, knowing that I'm not snuggled up right next to you while the beautiful rays of the sun shower upon us?"

"Ruby!?"

"As we slowly wake up from our peaceful slumber with our eyes lovingly gazing into each other's eyes, before our faces slowly inch closer and closer to a kiss. A kiss that will send out waves of pleasure and ecstasy that will force us to pull our legs together and make our girly parts...touch..."

"..."

Fortunately enough, Ruby managed to actually stop herself from fantasizing about Weiss in the middle of the hallway.

Unfortunately, she had discovered that a person had been watching her for Oum knows how long. Not only that, but the person had been the one she _really_ didn't want to see right now...

"W-Weiss!?"

The heiress stared at her quietly; a faint shade of pink can be seen from her face.

"W-Wait! I can explain-"

The door was slammed shut, the doorknob clicking soon after.

Did she just lock her out?

"Weiss! Weiss!" Ruby tried unlocking the door, but it won't budge.

"WEISS!"

...

Ruby was found sleeping in the hallways the next morning.

* * *

**Ladybug (Ruby x Blake): A Confusing Riddle**

"Hey Blake!" Ruby skipped over to Blake, who was reading alone in the school library. "I've got something for you!"

"Shhh!" The people in the library held their index fingers in front of their mouths before minding their own business.

Welp, that was awkward. Not even two seconds in and she's already called out for being too loud. Okay she'll admit, it probably wasn't the best idea to shout inside a _library_ of all places. She groaned at her own stupidity. Ruby looked over to Blake; not paying attention to her in the slightest. Maybe she didn't hear her?

Ruby got a little closer to Blake and opted to whisper instead of outright screaming. "Hey Blake. I've got something for you."

"Yes, Ruby. I heard you the first time..." She closed her book and looked at the little reaper with her amber eyes. "What is it anyways? Cookies?"

"Hey!" She pouted. "Cookies aren't the _only_ things I think of!"

"Really now?" Blake rolled her eyes. Did she really think all she had on her brain was cookies?!

"Fine then. I didn't want to give you this anyways." She huffed as she pulled out a piece of paper which garnered the feline's interest. _"Gotcha!"_

"What's that?"

"Oh nothing, it was just a riddle I couldn't figure out. I just wanted to find some help, but I guess I'm too busy thinking about cookies to do it, huh?" She gave a smug grin. Blake simply frowned; with her bow slightly drooping. It was cute if she was being honest.

That was one of the things she likes about Blake. Whenever she would show a facial expression (apart from her 'I'm mysterious! Fear me!' one), her ears would subconciously follow her. It would eiter droop, stiffen, or even fall flat depending on what her emotional state currently is.

See?! Cookies aren't the only thing she thinks of!

She heard Blake sigh, which in turn caused her to snap out of her thoughts. "Fine. Let me help you with that riddle of yours."

"Great!" She beamed. The crowd shushed her once again. Seriously?! When did the library become so quiet?! She was pretty sure they were a lot louder when they played 'Remnant' that one time. So why were they being quiet now?!

Nevertheless, Ruby took her seat and gave the paper to Blake; who quetly read the paper. The scythe-wieldining girl fidgeted in her seat. Truth is, _she_ was the one who made the riddle.

Surprise! Didn't see that coming didja?!

After finding out she fell in love with Blake for no reason whatsoever - okay, _maybe_ the cat ears helped a bit - she went out of her way to make sure she confesses to her. She couldn't say it directly, for obvious reasons. She couldn't have Yang or Weiss help her, Yang would just tease her about having a crush on Blake. And Weiss... well, is Weiss!

Speaking of Weiss, wonder what she's doing?

XxXxX

"You dolt!" Weiss slammed her fist on top of Jaune's extremely thick head, so thick that it even made Pyrrha think it was as thick as his di-

"Ow! What was that for, Snow Angel?" Jaune expected the usual 'Weiss comes up with terrible reasons as to why she hit him and lashes out for calling her Snow Angel for the millionth time' thing she always did, but he didn't expect her to sigh of all things. "Uhh, Weiss? You okay?"

"It's not the same..." She hung her head, abandoning the elegant posture she had as she hunched her back and walked away from the boy. "Ruby is more fun to hit...I wonder where the dolt is?"

XxXxX

Eh, probably training or something.

"Ruby...This is absolutely the _worst_ riddle you have ever given me..." Blake finally spoke; with twitching eyes and a deadpan expression. "Not only that, I can tell you made this...uh, how do I say this? Piece of shit."

Ruby's heart broke. How could she say that?! She worked so hard on it that she even forgot to sleep for DAYS! For days, Blake! You hear me!? You cat-like motherf-

"B-But, I worked so hard on that!" She frowned as she activated her puppy eyes Mk I (Normal puppy eyes without tears). "And how did you know it was me, anyways?!"

" _Roses are red, Blake means black; If I say I love You, Will you love me back?_ " Blake recited the so-called riddle of hers. "First of all, this is a _poem_ Ruby; not a riddle. Secondly, you used an overused poem and changed the words to make it unique; which is _not_ something you should do whenever you give a love letter to someone. Thirdly, it says here that, _If someone finds this riddle, please return it to me or give it to Blake for me._ with your name written on the bottom right corner of the paper."

Blake crumpled the letter and threw it into a trash can that conveniently popped out of nowhere.

"Aww." Ruby slumped. She then remembered something that made her sit back up and look at the ravenette curiously. "Hey Blake?"

"Yes Ruby?"

"Is it a yes or a no?" Her heartrate speeded as she waited for Blake to answer. The cat faunus was stealthy, cunning, and she was a freaking ninja! As Ruby awaited for an answer from the-

"No."

What?

"What?"

"No, Ruby. I don't love you, at least not in that way." Blake then opened her book and started reading from where she left off.

The sliver-eyed girl slowly formed tears in her eyes. How could she say that? How could she be so cold that she won't even accept her undying love? Was it because of Yang? They did have more moments of them talking to each other. Or maybe it was Sun that stopped her from accepting her? It was possible, Sun _also_ likes Blake, right?! It could even be Jaune for Oum's sake! They never spent a moment together, who knows if they're in some kind of secret relationship together!

Wait a second...

It feels like there's a pattern here...

An idea formed in the red-haired girl's head.

...

Later that day, Ruby dyed her hair blonde. The sudden change got her a horrified Yang, a dead Weiss, a vomiting Jaune, a Pyrrha doing a victory dance (something about finally having no more competition), the usual of Nora, and a stoic-faced Ren. (Again, the usual)

But most importantly...

She found herself a cat faunus that fell in love with her.

* * *

**Enabler (Ruby x Yang): Sisterly Love**

It was a good morning, the sun was slowly rising, the birds-

WILL YOU SHUT UP, YOU STUPID NEVERMORES?!

Okay, it was a...morning.

Which meant it was time for breakfast! Time to get some cookies and milk and possibly diabetes!

But that won't happen, she's freaking Ruby Rose! Queen of eating sugar!

...

...

...

"Why?! W-Why does this happen to me?!" Yang cried into Blake's shoulder as the Team WBY stood over a gravestone. "Everyone I love, they either die or just abandon me! Why can't I have a stable life for once!?"

"It's okay, Yang." Blake comforted; having little to no effect on the crying girl. "It's not your fault that she died from diabetes, okay?"

"It is!" She screamed into her ears. "If I actually did something to stop her from eating sweets all the time, then none of this would've happened!"

Finding no reply to give to the blonde of the group, the cat faunus decided to stay silent as she read the gravestone alongside Weiss; who was on the verge of tears...

_Here Lies Ruby Rose, age 15. Born in Patch and Died at Beacon Academy. May her soul Rest In Peace and forever be with Oum._

* * *

**Okay, I know it's a bit short for your typical RWBY fanfic, but think of this as a preview more than anything else.**

**For those who wanted a serious (not really) Enabler one, I promise I'll do it when I get to Yang. I had more of a problem setting up Enabler jokes with Ruby and I think Yang would be a bit easier.**

**For those who wanted a longer chapter, I'll make sure to include more girls in the next chapter. I'm not quite done with the women yet.**

**I'll include boys as well for those wondering.**

**Just like the description said, this is purely satire and will follow no plot whatsoever. Yes, I am a huge coward for saying this, but fuck it.**

**Reviews are love. Send one or I'll cut Yang's hair and blame it on you guys. It's impossible, but I'll still do it! The review can be a Compliment, Complaint, Suggestion, and/or Criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**


	2. Ruby Rose [Girls 2-2]

**Alright, time for round two.**

**And what I meant by that is 'Time for round two, for all the RWBY shippers getting a chance to obliterate my ass with weapons seemingly created out of anything.'**

**I don't have much to say apart from thanks, I guess? The story was actually well-received by some people, which surprised me to an extent - seeing that I thought people would be a tad bit angry at making fun of White Rose. I guess I'm just bad at figuring out fanbases.**

**Anyways, enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**Ruby Rose [Girls 2-2]**

**Sugar Rush (Ruby x Nora): Pancake Cookies - (I wish that was the ship name...)**

"Hey, guys!" Ruby called out as she neared their usual table with Nora. A plate filled with cookies occupied her left hand while she had towers of pancakes on her right. Nora also had the same on her hands, except she somehow managed to carry more than Ruby ever did. "Look what we've got! Cookies!"

"And pancakes!" Nora added, already munching on three at the same time.

"Oh." Yang tilted her head, not really seeing the big deal in all of this. It was actually an appropriate reaction, seeing as she _always_ had cookies to eat and Nora had pancakes to munch on. "Okay...then? Is there anything new with that?"

"Yeah! Watch this!" Ruby beamed. But before she could even do what she's saying, the heiress quickly stopped her.

"I better hope it's not one of your stupid delinquencies..." Weiss groaned as she stopped fiddling with her nails. "I wouldn't want to get any more trouble than what we usually have."

Delinquen- what?! Was Weiss making up words again? Or was she just using confusing ones? She could agree on not wanting to get in trouble though, Professor Goodwitch would have their heads if they did!

And that is one of the reasons why she likes Ozpin a bit more. At least _he_ doesn't give them detention!

"Don't worry, Weiss! I promise, it's nothing too bad." The scythe-wielder comforted, even if it only made the snow-themed girl lose more hope in her.

"Yeah, Snow Angel! Just watch!" Nora took the plates of cookies and panckes on her hands and smashed it into each other, a dust cloud forming in the middle of the room. All were coughing and covering her eyes, except for Ruby; who was looking at her orange-haired friend with a grin on her face. Honestly, who would even _want_ to have to ability to see and breathe when you could just watch this magnificent scene before them?

Apparently, Ruby did.

No one agreed with her on that matter. Maybe Nora, but she doesn't count.

The dust cloud slowly subsided until the only thing was seen was Nora holding a plate filled with-

Wait! Are those-

_Cookie-flavored Pancakes_ _?!_

"GIMME!" The cookie-lover immediately lunged for the plate, but was (un)fortunately stopped by Nora with her mighty hammer-wielding hand placed in her face. "Aww~"

"Not now, you sugar-addicted weirdo!"

"Hey! Like you're the one to talk!" Ruby pouted; quickly stopping Nora from making any more remarks or turning the teasing into a full-blown argument.

While the two had stopped bickering, everyone looked in at the two in bewilderment. Even the normally stoic Blake and Ren wasn't able to properly comprehend the stupidity that is Ruby and Nora.

"Did she seriously smash two plates of cookies and pancakes together to make one large plate filled with pancake cookies?" Blake asked; her bow slightly flooping-

Flooping? Drooping? Rooping? What was that word again?

Oh, flopping!

Wait - that's not right...

"Brain...not...working..." Ren banged his head on the table.

Yeah, that seems about right.

"You can do it with people too! Boop!" Nora then sprinted off to Ren and Blake before smashing their heads together; another dust cloud forming. Good thing it only covered the black-haired duo this time, the smoke alarm would be crying its heart out if it didn't. Few seconds passed before the smoke began to fade away, revealing both Ren and Blake without and horrible injuries, mutations, or anything that you can get from Nora.

Blake checked herself first before speaking. "Well, looks like I didn't get traumat-"

"MAMA!" A child no less than the age of six suddenly lunged at Blake. Good thing she had kept Gambol Shroud in her locker, the kid wouldn't have survived her kill-on-sight instinct if she didn't. Catching the child by it's arms, Blake and Ren observed the cute little kid in front of them.

It was a boy. The child had a face that undeniably similar to Ren's with amber eyes that looked a little bit _too_ close to Blake's. He wore a mini-version of Ren outfit, except he wore black pants instead of the father's(?) traditional white. The boy also had smooth long hair that reached his backside with a pink streak that accompanied it. Lastly, the child was a faunus, judging by the cat ears on his head.

No doubt it was Blake and Ren's son, _their_ son.

"Ma...ma?" The black-haired duo looked at the child in complete silence. The child simply tilted his head as to why his parents were suddenly frozen like ice. Maybe the white-haired lady had something to do with that? "Is mama okay?"

"Hold him." The cat faunus forcefully gave the boy to Ren before walking away. "I'm getting Gambol Shroud."

Once Blake was out of the cafeteria, all the people in the table stared at Ren; expecting him to do something. "What?"

"Aren't you going to after her?" Yang asked. "I mean, she's about to murder your best friend for basically forcing her into becoming a teenage parent."

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement, especially Nora who was practically headbanging at this point. Sighing, he stood up and placed his son on his back. "C'mon - uhh...What's your name again?"

"Brake Belladonna!" The boy beamed, not noticing his father's twitching eyes.

_"Brake!? Who in this Oumdamn world would name their child 'Brake'?! Did Yang name him or something?!"_ With a child playing on his hair, Ren slowly left the cafeteria. "C'mon Brake, let's stop your mother from killing Auntie Nora."

"Okay!"

Ren left and the attention was turned back to Ruby and Nora; who was crying into each other's arms.

"They grow up so fast!" The scythe-wielder got a tissue paper from her nonexistent pockets and blew on it before handing it to the orangette, blowing it on her nose as well.

"Never thought I'd see the day Ren becomes a father. I'm so proud!" The two cried more womanly tears; ignoring the looks they were getting.

Before they could continue the sickeningly heart-stopping scene (quite literally for Goodwitch once she gets there), Weiss cut in the middle of them. "Okay, what just happened?!"

The tears subsided and the hammer-wielding girl quickly turned to Weiss with a bright grin that will even make the sun jealous. "Oh, that? We made them Boop!"

"Boop?"

"Yeah! Me and Nora-"

_"Nora and I! Seriously Ruby, in how many fanfictions are you going to make that mistake!"_ Weiss wanted to correct her, but curiosity stopped her from doing so.

"-already did it a lot of times now!" She finished, earning a choke from everyone in the table.

"You mean- you're a mother?!" Yang's lilac eyes flashed to burning red upon hearing the horrifying news. "How many times have you done this?!"

Red cookie-loving girl jumped onto hyper-active orange girl's arms in fear. "Ahh! We did it a lot, but kids didn't come out! I swear!"

Anger turned to confusion and the blonde's eyes went back to it's original color. "Wait, you sure?"

"Yeah, I did remember a lot of water coming out of me..."

Yang was quickly sent to the emergency room that day and died of a heart attack. Blake and Ren dropped out of school and decided to focus on their new family. Weiss decided to go back to her original career as a singer due to not having any more teammates. Pyrrha still likes Jaune. Jaune's still a dense idiot. And the school went to hell after losing two of their best teams.

Ruby and Nora...

"Oh man! The bed is wet again!"

"It's your - hah~ - turn to do the laundry this time."

Were very much busy...

* * *

**Milk And Cereal (Ruby x Pyrrha): Redhead Desires**

"Alright, Ruby! This is your chance!" Ruby inhaled and exhaled deeply as she prepared for her mission. A mission very important that not even fighting a S-Class Grimm could even beat...

The battle...for her love; _Jaune Arc._

Yes, the first boy she ever knew, and the first one to take actual notice of her. She'll admit that she really wasn't that into him from the beginning, but feelings decided that 'No! You're in love with Jaune and you'll confess whenever you like it or not!'

Honestly, she hated feelings. It was like there's another person inside her; forcing her to love Jaune...

But that's not true! There's no way she would have a person inside her, right?!

...Right?

Man, she really needed to lay off the dust-infused cookies...

Inside the hallways, everyone could see the Red Reaper talking to herself and possibly having a seizure just right outside Team JNPR's door. A lot of people wanted to check if she was okay, but they realized that they were _background characters_ that didn't have much input on the story. So they decided to leave her to her own devices.

"I just gotta knock on the door, say I love him, run away in embarrassment, and then wait for his answer later or tomorrow!" She repeated her so-called _'Battle Plan'_ before hesitantly raising a fist at JNPR's door.

She knocked on the door lightly as she waited for a certain _someone_ to pick up. It didn't take long for _him_ to open the door.

Unfortunately, it didn't take long for Ruby to see a _towel_ in front of the door.

"Gah!" Ruby quickly covered her eyes before she could see anything indecent. _"He's naked! Quick just say it and get it done with!"_

"Hmm?" Jaune(?) hummed.

Weird, his voice was a little bit more higher pitched than when she last heard him.

"I LOVE YOU!" Ruby screamed at the top of her lungs before leaving at her quickest speed to escape the incoming embarrassment that awaited her.

But before she could even flee the scene, something pulled her back to the door. Ruby looked at herself to see that her extremely-scary baby was the one responsible for pulling her towards JNPR's door. _"Argh! Please my baby! Don't make mama go back to Jaune! I know you're excited to have a papa, but please don't make me do this!"_

That reminds her... just _how_ was she being pulled by an external force anyways? The only person she knew that can do that was...

Was...

...

...

...

Oh shoot.

"Pyrrha!?" Ruby's face was met with a smile from the champion; a faint shade of pink spotted on her face. Did she really just confess to the person she was supposed to be _rivals_ with?! Ruby knew that the taller red-head had a crush on Jaune, which made her want to confess quicker. But this is just ridiculous!

"Ruby?"

"Y-Yes, Pyrrha?" She nervously gulped. _"This is bad! Really bad! Why did it have to be Pyrrha of all people? I could just play it off if it was Nora or something, but Pyrrha?!"_

"Do you love me?" She suddenly asked; surprising the little _(Hey! I drink milk, okay?!)_ reaper that she was definitely _not_ choking by wrapping her arm around her neck. Of course Pyrrha wouldn't do that, just like how those twenty Beacon girls that checked out Jaune suddenly disappeared without a trace. She _wouldn't do that_.

_"I really wanted to confess to Jaune, but I ended up with Pyrrha instead." Ruby looked at the other redhead. "I mean Pyrrha ain't that bad. Maybe I could try it with a girl for my first time! It'd be weird, but... It'll be awesome!"_

"Yeah! I do love you, Pyrrha!" She cheekily said as she released herself from her grip. _"Well, in for a penny..."_

"Oh good!" The champion quickly grabbed her collar and pulled their faces closer. "I hope you wouldn't mind if I fucked your brains out, right?"

_"REFUND! TAKE YOUR STUPID PENNY AND GIVE ME A REFUND!"_

Before she could even say anything, she found herself on Pyrrha's bed; half-naked and already tied up. She saw Pyrrha look at her with those green, freaky, and most likely horny eyes.

"P-Please be gentle..." Ruby Whimpered.

And that's how Pyrrha and Ruby became girlfriends.

Everyone was quite accepting of the relationship to be honest. Except for Yang; who was in a coma as soon as she heard about her little... _adventures_ with Pyrrha. Apart from that, everyone was A-okay!

...

Okay... _Maybe_ she accidentally tripped on the plug that was keeping her sister alive... Just maybe...

* * *

**Falling Petals (Ruby x Cinder): Legs At First Sight**

"Well, Red, I think we can all say it's been an eventful evening. And as much as I'd like to stick around..." Roman pointed his cane at Ruby; a small little hole opening from the bottom. "I'm afraid this is where we part ways."

The can fired a round of fire dust which quickly went towards Ruby; who was _totally_ not busy drooling over his weapon. I mean, could you blame her? It's a cane gun! It's like, every pimp's dream weapon! Oh man, she really needs to get one of those! Maybe if she asks the orange-haired man where he got-

"OW!" Ruby was hit by the dust round aimed towards her. Luckily enough, she didn't suffer any major damages due to aura. Unfortunately enough, the criminal was already escaping by climbing up a set of ladders onto a high building.

"How did he already get up that quick?! Is he some ladder-climbing master or something?!"

"I don't know about you, little girl." The old man who ran the store commented. "But if I were you, I'd be using those powers of yours to chase him."

"You okay if I go after him?" Ruby asked; preparing herself for the launch she was about to make. "Okay, if I could get it at that angle..."

"Of course not!" The shopkeeper shouted, making the scythe-wielder temporarily lose focus. "Who's going to pay for my windows if you run?!"

"But you just said I should go after him!"

"I said _'if I were you_ _'_! I'm not you, that's not an order, it's a recommendation!"

Ruby was at a loss for words. Seriously, what kind of logic was that!? She might not be that logical, that she'll admit. But this is just nuts!

"Uhh... Look! There's a green-haired girl with a nice pair of boobs about to walk into you!" Ruby pointed at a random direction.

"Huh? Where?"

She quickly made her escape by using her semblance and Crescent Rose to launch herself on top of the building. She could just hear the faint screaming of the old man from the ground below. _"Sorry there, old man. But I don't have enough Lien in my pockets to pay right now. Hmm, what if I get a super-rich best-friend and make her pay for it. That would work."_

She looked around for the criminal; only to show that he _wasn't_ there. Seriously, was this guy some kind of escape master or what?

"Hey! Little Red!" A familiar voice called out to her from the east. She found the source of the voice to see the orange-haired man waving his arms like some kind of airplane director. "You went into the wrong roof! I'm over here, dammit!"

"Okay! Thank you!" Ruby then launched herself towards the other building. Upon landing, she saw the criminal profusely sweating and reading something off a tiny piece of paper. He was trying to memorize something from the looks of it. "Hey."

With his back facing her, Roman stopped breathing and suddenly froze. She could barely hear him whisper "You can do this Roman, just believe in yourself..."

And with that, she awaited for his thirty-minute long villain monologue...

...

...

Any second now...

...

...

"Persistent."

If there was a sensible reason why Ruby wanted to shoot herself, it would be this one. "Really!? You don't have a cool villain-monologue?!"

"H-Hey! T-That's what my boss gave me! O-Okay!?"

And now he stuttering, her opinion of him has now been greatly lowered. "I thought you were a badass thief!"

He hung his head in shame. Ouch, she really needed to practice how to not be extremely blunt one day. "My boss told me that as well..."

Before the conversation could escalate any further, a bullhead appeared out of nowhere. First she had to deal with a criminal that had the ability to climb ladders quickly; who also turned out to be a dork. Now she had to deal with a bullhead that was hiding inside an alleyway that somehow didn't manage to hit any buildings or get detected by any of Vale's policemen and security measures!?

Did no one question the logic of this situation? For real though.

"Well, looks like my ride is here..." He dejectedly sighed before climbing onto the bullhead that was about twenty feet off the rooftop.

How in the world did he climb THAT?! Even _she_ couldn't jump that high without Crescent Rose or her semblance!

"Goodbye, I guess?" He simply shrugged before preparing to leave.

"Halt! Stop this instant!" A blonde woman appeared out of nowhere; a riding crop on her hand.

It's a hutress! Ooh! She looks so COOL!

"Eh? But I really need to go..."

"You think that I'm willing to let go of Vale's most wanted criminal right before my eyes?"

"No..."

"Then come right down this instant!"

"Okay..."

"Don't." Another female voice came into view. The figure from inside the bullhead approached Roman and whispered something in his ears. Roman then nodded to her before disappearing out of view; seemingly going to the pilot's seat.

"And who are you supposed to be?" The blonde woman- (Okay, legit can we call them Glynda and Cinder now? We all know it's them.) glared at Cinder; who was seductively showing off her legs. "What are you doing?"

"Hmph. It's seems my charm is unable to work on you." She huffed and crossed her arms. "Makes sense for an old, senile, woman like you."

"Hey! I'm not old! I'm turning forty this year!" She then turned to face Ruby. "Right, little girl?"

Only to find no one was by her side.

"Little girl?"

"CAN I BE A CRIMINAL INSTEAD?!" Ruby squealed as she clung onto Cinder's legs. "I'd do anything just to be with your beautiful legs!"

"You have chosen correctly, young one." She grinned as a fireball formed in her hand. "Now come, let us go far away into the Grimmlands and possibly elope as you praise my legs."

"Yes, Master!"

Before Glynda could even raise her weapon, Cinder quickly shot the fireball at her. She - of course, instinctively used her semblance to deflect the fireball.

It ended up landing on a nearby nightclub; burning it down in a matter of minutes.

"Drat!" Glynda cursed as she looked over to where the bullhead had been. "It's gone... That's definitely gonna increase the paperwork later."

...

The next day, the burnt nightclub had made into news headlines.

_"...Casualties include 50 injured people and one dead girl by the name of Yang Xiao Long. Testimonies say she had barged in the club and attacked everyone, but no charge was implemented due to her being... you know? Dead?"_

* * *

**Yep. I could already see it. The horrors that the RWBY fanbase will rain upon me.**

**Okay, before this gets out of hand, I'd like to say me killing Yang is a _joke_. K? I don't want anyone to feel like I'm hating on her, 'cause I really don't (honestly, she's got my vote for being 'second best girl in the series'. Best girl is Neo.). But I have a feeling people will take this seriously.**

**Again, this is satire. Search the meaning if you don't know what the word means.**

**One more thing. This is _not_ going to be in order. That means that even if I haven't done the boys shipping for Ruby, I might do Roman or Pyrrha's chapter in the next one. Don't worry, once I start with [1-2], it will always have a [2-2] following behind it.**

**Reviews are love. I'll give you my hidden stash of strawberry-flavored cookies if you do. The review can be a compliment, complaint, suggestion, and/or criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must've been on drugs when I said best grill is Neo while Yang was second best grill.
> 
> C'mon, you guys know the the bestest girls are Roman and Ren. Sun takes third and Jaune is fourth. Coco takes fifth place.
> 
> Anyways, I'm out.


	3. Jaune Arc (Yang Xiao Long)

**Hey** , **I'm back and kicking... Unfortunately, the** **fanbase was kicking as well - and not in the good way.**

**Apart from that - I have received several death threats, the occaisional gun pointed on my head with several clicking of the gun included, some cuts they gave me while they forced me to listen to Nickelback, my legs were broken until I turned into a recovering paraplegic, I'm not part of a terrorist organization anymore and have been labeled a traitor, and I got my arm cut off...**

**Send help pls.**

**You might be wondering, "Hey, Bastard. Why does it say 'Jaune Arc [Yang Xiao Long]' instead of 'Jaune Arc [Girls 1-2]'?" Well my very violent and stress-inducing friends, I just wanted to give Miss Fanservice- I mean, _Yang_ some love after I repeatedly killed her last chapter.**

**No seriously, I think I got a bit _too_ carried away with writing Yang's ship. I originally planned to have Neo and Velvet in this chapter, and then target the more famous Jaune ships like Arkos and Lancaster in the next chapter. But Yang took up so much space that it's not even funny. I'll do Jaune's [Girls 1-2] at a different time, lets focus on Yang for the moment. K?**

**Anyways, here's a chapter with best girl in the series: Jaune Arc!**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**Jaune Arc [Yang Xiao Long]**

**Dragon Slayer (Jaune x Yang): Payback Time!**

"Augh, this has got to be one of the worst days of my life..." Jaune groaned as he was being guided by his blood-brother (not really) back to their dorm room. "What kind of sick human being would force me to battle with Yang Xiao-long?! _Yang_ of all people!? She's like a monster in the arena!"

"Hmm, my intuition tells me that Goodwitch has been seeing a lot of improvement from you." Ren hypothesized; fixing his grip on Jaune in case the poor boy falls from fatigue. "There is a possibility she wanted to test how much you have improved at fighting."

"And there's no better way to test it on the demon herself..." Jaune sarcastically remarked. "I swear, that woman hates me!"

"Hey! Who're you calling 'Demon', Vomit Boy!?"

"Euah!" Somehow; in that very moment, Jaune mustered up the energy to squeal like a little girl after she saw a burning inferno in front of her eyes and jumped onto Ren's arms.

You know, that description may not be far off...

With those gorgeous blonde locks, her intoxicating lilac-colored eyes, and those massive watermelons of a chest, it was none other than Blake Belladonna herself!

...

Okay, he _really_ needed to sleep after that fight.

"H-Hey...Yang..." He nervously gulped as he tugged on his shirt; forgetting the fact that he was being carried by Ren, he quickly lost his grip on the boy and fell to the ground. "Augh...really?"

"What's up, ladykiller?" Her eyes went back to its original color; seemingly losing her anger as quick as she got it. "You and Ren a thing now? 'Cause I'd happily support you two if you were."

"I'm out." Ren left for the dorms; leaving Jaune alone with his fellow blonde.

_"Dammit, Ren."_ "Can I help you with something?" He asked; his fatigue catching up to his voice. "I really need to sleep right now, so I can't help you out with anything physical related."

"As if! If you helped me with carrying heavy stuff, I'll end up helping you out instead!" She grinned. The dragon crossed her arms and leaned forward, giving him an eyeful of her cleavage. She bit her lip before saying, "And if you _do_ end up helping me, I'm gonna make you do it _real hard_..."

The view he got mixed in with the way Yang seductively said those words must've triggered something in him, his pants felt a little tighter than before and his face turned pink. He gulped, "Y-Yang?!"

Before you know it, she was laughing at his face.

"Pwahaha! You should've seen the look on you face!" She clutched her stomach as she continued on laughing. Her eyes looked below the belt and saw the buldge forming from inside his pants. "What? Did I wake up your son under there too?"

Jaune could only feel the embarrassment rising up from him as she kept mocking him.

Jaune liked Yang. _What_ was there that was _not_ to like about her? She has a great personality (and not _those_ personalities, mind you), she's a caring - if not; overprotective sister to Ruby, and she's just flat out amazing in regards to her fighting and her academics. Plus points for the fact that she was one of the most beautiful girls in Beacon. All of these factors hit Jaune _hard._ Which is the reason why he was in love.

Yes. In _love_.

With Yang Xiao Long; professional pun maker and ass kicker...

And as much as he loved her, she really can be annoying from time to time. The puns he could tolerate and the teasing as well, but he was unsure whether Yang knew she was stepping out of the line or not. He may not show it to her face, but he _also_ has the ability to be scary whenever he's angry...

He rarely ever showed his anger due to his little sisters crying whenever they see his face.

_"I'm done of being made fun of." Jaune thought as he bid his goodbyes to Yang and went into his dorm room. "Combat class, academics, my overall appearance, everyone makes fun of it. But the question is, how do I stop that?"_

A brilliant, yet horrible idea formed in Jaune's head. He waved his goodbyes and headed into his room. With a smirk visible on his face, he quickly went to his work desk and started plotting his revenge by scribbling on a piece if paper. Targeting Yang for a prank is one of the worst ideas a person can come up with. If she doesn't find out who did it, she'll kick everyone's ass on who she thinks pranked her. And if she found out who did it, please Oum may have mercy on the poor bastard who got snitched on.

But you know what they say...

"If you cut the head off the dragon, then the body will follow...hey! That rhymed!"Jaune smiled as he kept on writing. "Wait... Did it rhyme?"

And so, _'Operation: Dragon Slayer'_ begins...

XxXxX

After days of brilliant planning, Jaune finally managed to think up of an idea that will even _shock_ the ultimate Yang Xiao Long.

It was simple really. All he had to do was ask Ruby about what Yang liked. He was genuinely surprised when he had discovered that the blonde was into soap operas. Especially confession scenes, where she (in Ruby's statement) goes nuts after seeing one. Now that he knew the girl's weakness, all that was left was to get the props to initiate the prank.

His wallet cried by the time he was done with buying the things he needed.

But enough of that, it was already time to put the plan to action.

XxXxX

It was lunchtime, students filled the tables as they ate their food alone or with friends. As usual, Team RWBY and (J)NPR were sitting right next to each other. Jaune wasn't with them while they were eating. Claiming that he needed to do something else, they let him go for the moment.

"Hmm, Jaune-Jaune's really taking a long time, huh?" Nora asked to Ren as she chewed on her cookie-flavored pancakes alongside Ruby. "Right, Ren-Ren?"

"Blake! Where's Brake, have you seen him?!" Ren panicked as he looked everywhere for their child. After what Nora did to the black-haired duo yesterday, Ren changed from a calm and cool-headed boy to an anxious overprotective father. "I could've sworn I left him here when I went to get his food..."

"He's with me." The faunus asnwered before a certain smiling boy appeared from underneath her arms.

"Hi dad!"

Realizing that he lost composure, Ren went back to his calm style as quick as he had tried to find his son earlier. "You shouldn't just disappear, you know."

"But I was bored!" The six year-old whined before running away from the table and bringing a certain bunny faunus with him. "And besides, I got to meet big-sister Velvet!"

"H-Hello..." She shyly waved.

Before the conversation could drag out any further, Jaune barged in the room with an angry Cardin Winchester chasing him. The large boy had his mace swinging in all directions while the blonde fool barely avoided each strike with the luck given to him by the great Monty Oum himself.

"Get back here!" Cardin swung one again, this time hitting Jaune and sending him flying over to their table. More specifically, Yang. He collided with the table before conviniently landing in the girl's arms.

"SAVE ME!" He cried as he clung onto her like a lost child.

Cardin stopped in his tracks upon seeing Yang holding his target. Her eyes were glowing red, which was a huge no-no whenever you're fighting her. "Fuck this man, I'm out." He turned on his heels before running away to the nearest exit. _"_ _Good luck, you blond dumbass. You're gonna need it."_ Cardin thought as he left the room.

"Is he gone?" Opening one eye, he checked to see if the bully was finally gone. _"Heh. Nice work, Cardin."_

"Maybe." Yang shrugged, her eyes going back to its original color. "Can you get off now, Vomit Boy?"

Jaune groaned as he finally got off the girl's arms. Seriously, even though he was acting, his dislike towards that nickname was completely real.

Anyways, time for phase two!

"I don't know how to thank you..." Jaune smiled and kneeled before her. He quickly grabbed her hands and pulled her closer to him. She must've been surprised, 'cause he had never had this easy of a time holding a girl's hands. "A-Actually, there's something I wanted to say to you for a very long time now..."

"Vomit Boy?!" Yang blurted, though she didn't pull her hand away.

"Umm, Yang? I want to ask you something..." As much as he wanted to laugh with his extremly cheesy acting, he needed to do this till the end. He was barely hiding his smile when he saw the shocked look on Yang's face. "...Do you love me?"

"W-What!?" Her face flushed red from embarassment, was she actually taking this seriously? "Uhh, I guess..."

"Good!" He grinned before getting a small little box from his pocket. She must've knew what it meant since he saw her eyes widen from shock. _"This thing better do the trick, Roman. I spent a lot of money for you to steal this."_

"Yang Xiao Long of who I love up until the very end..." He opened the box-

-and revealed a diamond ring inside it.

"Will you become mine and marry me?" He declared, shushing everyone inside the room.

Jaune looked at Yang's dumbfounded face. He almost giggled when he saw the others' reactions as well. _"Oh man! That face is priceless! Watching all those soap operas late at night made this even more worth it! I wish I had my scroll with me right now."_

The silence was funny at first, then awkward at second, then was straight up worrying at third. Honestly, how many people has he shocked into eternal silence. _"Alright, joke's over. It was funny while it lasted. Time to reveal my ulterioir motive of why I wanted to 'marry' Yang. In three, two one-"_

"YES!" Yang squealed with tears in her eyes. She quickly wrapped her arms around Jaune and kissed him out of pure desire. From an outsiders view, it was a romantic view of Yang hugging Jaune and squeezing him all of the love he could give from his body. To Jaune's eyes, Yang was in the middle of an act of murder. He swore that he was losing the ability to breathe.

Is Pyrrha crying? Nah, must be his oxygen-lacking brain. Why was Weiss aiming her sword at him? No, that must be some kind of illusion. Oh hey! Velvet and Coco's here, they look kinda mad. Goodwitch! Oh no, she'll definitely give him detention for proposing to Yang. Wait a sec, who was that girl again? The one with the sexy legs? Cinder, right? And the green-haired one with her is Emerald. He wondered who's the short one, must be named after an ice-cream flavor or something.

Why is every girl in the room looking at them?

"YOU STOLE MY MAN!" Every girl in the cafeteria (sans Ruby, Nora, and Blake) screeched as they charged towards the...newlyweds? Before he could even comprehend what was happening, Yang quickly stood on her feet and activated Ember Celica; letting Jaune get the oxygen he needed.

"Hey, _Honey_. Could I borrow the ring for the moment? It might give me some good luck charm." Yang sweetly smiled before snatching away the ring from Jaune's hands and placing it in her ring finger. "Thanks, honey!"

"Wait wha?" _"Did I really marry Yang on accident? I mean, she just called me honey and all..."_

Instead of focusing on the bloody battle happening right in front of him like a normal person, Jaune focused on the fact that he was illegally married to Yang and how he basically eloped with her when he ran away from his home.

Yup. He could already tell that this is going to be a great year.

XxXxX

_Somewhere in the Grimmlands._

"What?! What do you mean the entire female population of Beacon has been eliminated?!" Salem growled as she talked on her scroll. It was a present from Watts during last year's _Montmas._ The day where everyone celebrates the creation of Remnant by Monty Oum himself. She didn't particularly like it, but it was nice to recieve a gift once in a while.

She didn't like Tyrian's however, what kind of sick being would give someone a rabbit's foot? She's the queen of Grimm and she not _that_ violent mind you.

"I mean that every single woman here in the school got brutally murdered by a girl named Yang Xiao Long." It was Mercury; one of Cinder's most loyal partners. "Even Cinder and Emerald got killed in the fight. Along with Roman's partner, Neo..."

"What?! Impossible!"

"Eh, I could just send you a picture of the bodies, you know?" Even though she might have not seen it, she was sure Mercury was shrugging.

"What about the tentacle Grimm I created?! I already created dozens of them for the girls!"

"You really should've created a better name than 'Hentacles', Ma'am..." Excuse her? The name was perfect for those Grimm! "As for the Grimm...Just use it on the guys instead."

_"Use it on the guys..."_ She could hear it, the men moaning and wanting the tentacles to stop molesting them. Truth be told, the Hentacles were actually _passive_ unlike the other Grimm species. Why? Well, she was getting tired of killing people.

Salem decided to settle on raping them instead.

"Brilliant!" She threw her arms in the air. "I could already smell the lust-filled defeat of mankind! Not only that, I finally have another plot for my new Ninjas Of Love series! The book-selling department and man itself will finally succumb under my hand! Watch out, Ozpin! Me and my amazing writing abilities are going to take over the world!"

"Uhh..."

"Oh, and the Grimm too."

* * *

**Now you know what happens when I get 'Carried away'.**

**So, yeah. This is what happens when Yang _doesn't_ die. Every other girl is going to take her place. Oh, and for that matter, this one takes place after the incident of 'Sugar Rush'. I really liked the Pancake Cookie story line and wanted to make it into something more, but I already have my timeslots filled with my other stories.**

**This chapter doesn't count as Jaune's [Girls 1-2] chapter. I will make a seperate one in the future.**

**Reviews are love. Salem said it shouldn't be shared. The review can be a compliment, complaint, suggestion, and/or criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**


	4. Nora Valkyrie [Boys 1-2]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Context:
> 
> For those who don't know; most likely since this is AO3, the story "Hands-on Education" is a smut of Jaune/Nora in Fanfiction.net written by Mallobaude. It's one of the few Nora's Arc stories in there and one of the more popular ones.

**Hello. My name is Ruby Rose- err, Crazyman! I'm back with one more chapter.**

**Remember how I asked you guys to send help last chapter? 'Cause I didn't! So now I'm writing this chapter from the inside of my coffin using my five-percent charged phone and the nearby McDonalds wifi. Life's great! So great that I think I'm about to leave it in the next two minutes due to the lack of oxygen...**

**I swear, you guys are gonna be the death of me. Speaking of death, why the hell is there a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven in front of me?**

**Anyways, enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**Nora Valkyrie [Boys 1-2]**

**Nora's Arc (Nora x Jaune): Hands-on Education (A spin-off of Mallobaude's story with the same name. Now, how do I make sure this one gets by with a T rating?)**

_"Hmm. I wonder what's a good video to watch today?" Nora thought as the water from the shower rained down on her body. "Maybe another cowgirl video would be nice. How about hardcore...? Nah, not feeling up to it today. Maybe I could watch some softcore ones as a nice change of pace? Man, why is it hard to choose?!"_

Sexual Intercourse. One of the most beautiful - yet, one of the most shunned things in the world. The beauty of this act can be found anywhere in the world of Remnant. In the bedroom, the kitchen, outdoor, pretty much every place you can find.

Which was weird now that Nora thought about it. Who liked booping in the kitchen? Weren't they afraid of the knives and the microwaves lying in there? Those things could kill her and her pancakes!

Seriously, she will _never_ eat a pancake after placing it in the microwave, ever again. The knives she could handle. But the microwaves... it just makes her sick.

Going back into topic, Nora is an avid fan of 'Booping'. Although she may not have any expertise in the act itself, she's still a fan nonetheless. Nora liked watching... uhh, how do I say this nicely...?

...She liked watching _Boop Videos._ She watched so much of it that she even knew that there was a thing called a 'fluffer' in the industry. A fluffer is a person that makes sure the male actor in the video has an erection for the whole duration of the filming. They can be male or female, whatever swings their boat.

And they say pancakes are the only things in her mind. She's not Ruby, okay?!

Turning off the shower, she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself. _"Ohh, I know! I can watch a live one! I haven't got the chance after going into the MILF section!"_

With a new objective in her mind, she quickly put on her clothes and rubbed her hair with the towel. She opened the door to the room and saw Jaune reading another edition of his X-ray and Vav comic. Nora actually liked the series, it had enough insanity in it that even _she_ couldn't understand it.

You see, X-ray and Vav's comedy is actually for intellectuals with an advanced IQ of-

_"Ooh! This one looks nice!"_ Nora sat on her bed with headphones on, her scroll already on the website's 'Live Cameras' section. She squinted her eyes and licked her lips as she read the title. _"'_ _Red-head Gladiator Rides An Asian Lotus Boy's 'Dragon' Inside One Of Beacon's Exchange Student Dorms'... Why does that sound so familiar?"_

She couldn't put her finger on it. Did she watch a video like this before? Nah, that can't be. Her addiction started when she hit the age of 16, so it couldn't be possible. Besides, it was a _live cam_ video. Which meant it was only happening _now_ , eliminating the theory of the video being a re-upload.

Her curiosity got the best of her, she waited as she clicked the play button.

[ _*You think we'll be caught here?* The red-head spoke, garnering a voice that sounded a lot like Pyrrha's._

_*Doubtful.* The man spoke, his voice as deep as Ren's. *Besides, it's not like they know where we are.*_

_*Didn't you put our location in the title?* The woman shook her head, slowly stripping off her clothes. *No, I've been waiting WAY too long for this.*_

_*Heh. You can say the same for me.*_ ]

Hmm, well that's strange. Why did they sound a lot like Pyrrha and Ren? It can't be them...right?

_"Now that I think about it... Didn't Pyrrha stay at the showers after Jaune finished up? Ren also went outside to buy ingredients for that vomit-inducing drink of his. I swear, that 'green juice' of his smells worse than Jaune-Jaune's stomach acids!"_

Nevertheless, Nora kept on watching the video.

[ _*_ _Well, hello there my large friend!* The camera zoomed in on the girl's face, the camera presumably being held by the male. *It seems that it has been a long time ever since we met.*_

_*That guy really missed you, you know?* The man chuckled as he neared his dragon to her face. *Wouldn't stop thinking of you for even a second.*_ ]

Nora looked at the red-head to see any distinct features about her. Her hair was red (well, duh!). She had green eyes with the same-colored eyeliner on the corners. And her face had the shape that was oddly similar to Pyrrha... Maybe there's a lot of girls in Beacon that looked like Pyrrha? She _is_ famous after all. Yeah, that can't be Pyrrha. That's just a copycat! Like Blake!

Wait, does that mean Blake copies other people faces? Ooh! Wonder if she could copy hers?

[ _The camera suddenly turned around and exposed the boy's face. *Is this thing recording?*_

_*Hey, don't point the scroll's camera on your face!*_

_*Oh, sorry...*_ ]

"OH MY OUM! REN?!" She shouted from the top of her lungs; shocking Jaune in the process. She paused the video and took a closer look. "Am I losing my mind from watching all those boop videos?!"

"Nora!?" Jaune fell from the bed and dropped his comic. He writhed on the floor for a couple of seconds before limping towards her. "What's wrong?! Did something bad happen?"

She shoved her scroll in front of the blond's eyes, almost hitting his face in the process. "Look! It's Ren! He is currently banging Pyrrha as we speak!"

Jaune took a close look at the boy's face, his face darkening soon after. "T-That can't be Ren, right?"

Nora rewinded the video to the part where the girl's face could be seen. She shoved it back at Jaune's face yet again. "Look her in the eyes and tell me that's Pyrrha!"

"That's Pyrrha?!"

"See?!" Nora stood up from her spot; waving her arms frantically. She was shouting so loud that she was sure it reached up to Team RWBY's dorm. "They've been 'booping' all this time, Jaune! Booping! Pyrrha and Ren! BOOPING!"

Jaune covered his ears as Nora's voice got increasingly louder. "You don't have to say it over and over again..."

Before the duo could even do anything, Blake suddenly kicked the door down; Team RWBY hiding right behind her. The cat faunus had a raged expression as she slowly approached Jaune and Nora; Gambol Shroud in her hands.

"Blake! For the last time, it's not true!" Ruby screamed, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. "I swear, I wasn't the one that made your book sticky! It was Yang!"

"What?!" The accused blonde gave a shocked look at Ruby; her cheeks slightly red. "I wouldn't do that!"

"Oh sure you wouldn't, you were all like - 'Oh Sun, why musn't you caress my body like Kirito does with Reika'?" Ruby mocked as she hitched her breathing and made a flushed face. "Don't think I don't know your _hobbies,_ dear older sister!"

"S-Shut up!"

"I don't think Blake is angry about the book - or at you guys for that matter..." Weiss; being the trouble-free person that she is, quickly led the sisters back to their dorm. "C'mon you two, this doesn't concern us."

And so the trio left, leaving Jaune, Blake, and Nora to be alone. Oh, Weiss also fixed the door using a bit of ice dust to make it stick to the door frame.

Blake reached Jaune and Nora before growling in a low voice, "Who's...Booping?"

"Uhh, Pyrrha and Ren?" Jaune hesitantly answered. Normally, both of them would never sell out their friends. But even if _Nora_ herself was scared of something, then it is definitely _not_ a bad idea to rat on them. Jaune took the ginger-haired girl's scroll and showed it to Blake. "S-See...?"

"I see..." Blake then grabbed the two's shirts before stripping them of all their clothes. Then and there, both the blond and the ginger-haired girl stood there; stark naked. "He wants to play with Pyrrha, huh? I'll show him..."

While Blake was busy muttering to herself, the duo were busy with something else. Mainly, the fact that Blake managed to strip them withing half a second.

"How the hell did she take off _all_ of my clothes by pulling _only_ on my shirt?!" Jaune shrieked as he covered his male parts. "I thought Oum was the only one with powers like those!"

"Woah! That was awesome!" Nora beamed; not even bothering to cover herself in the slightest. "Can you teach me that trick, Blake?!"

"Later, but right now..."

Blake proudly stood in the middle of the room in her birthday suit; using her strip-in-a-second technique. She took her own scroll and hit the record button. She placed the camera on a nearby table before pushing both of the teens on one of the beds.

"I want revenge." She slowly got on top on Jaune and his very much excited friend between his legs.

"Y-You mean-"

"Heck yeah!" Nora raised her fist in the air. "It's a threesome booping!"

And that marks the start of Jaune, Blake, and Nora's success in the Booping industry.

Using the two videos, Blake had forced Ren into picking either her or Pyrrha as a potential girlfriend. Once Blake showed Ren her flexibility and creativity in regards to doing Boop positions, the answer was painfully obvious.

Ruby and Yang were still arguing whether or not Yang uses Blake's 'Ninjas of Love' books (which she never used after she became Ren's girl), though the blonde was obviously losing after Ruby managed to get video evidence on her reading that _filth_!

Pyrrha decided to use her lust driven body on someone else. Unfortunately for Weiss, that 'someone else' was _her_...

Juane and Nora, after booping for so many times that the girl became pregnant; finally decided to move out and start a family. The two were finally connected. Not just physically and emotionally, but also legally - since they finally have marriage rights.

Weiss...

"W-Wait, Pyrrha! Stop licking! I can't even feel my legs anymore..."

* * *

**Break His Legs (Nora x Cardin): Making Amends By Making Friends**

It was a nice Saturday morning in Beacon. The birds are flying, flowers are slowly dying, and all those generic stuff people say before doing something mundane. And since it was day of resting, what better way than to spend it doing something fun?

Which Nora would've done if each of her friends weren't doing something for the day.

"Sorry! I'm going to tweak Cresent Rose today. Something got jammed inside her and it's been a while ever since I cleaned her." Was Ruby's statement.

"I'm going to be busy buying some dust rounds for Ember Celica, I'm gonna crash in the dorm right after. Sorry Nora." Yang said.

"I'm going to be with Ren/Blake for today." Was their reason for being unable to hang with her. She didn't want to feel like a third wheel either. That would just be awkward.

"Sorry, I'm gonna be meeting one of my sisters in downtown Vale." Jaune apologized. Again, she didn't want to be a third wheel.

"Oh, I have an interview set up for today. If you want, you could wait for me until I'm done." Pyrrha politely offered, to which she refused. She knew that Pyrrha didn't like those kind of things, she always went back to the dorm tired after each one.

"Excuse me, but I'd rather spend my time doing something productive. You could head with me to the library if you're okay with that." Weiss offered, of course she said no. Who would want to study on a _Saturday_?!

Which leaves her here, alone in the Emerald Forest practicing her swings.

"Hi-YAH!" Nora shouted in glee as she sent another Boarbatusk flying into the air with Magnhild. The poor Grimm flew at a decent height and velocity after being launched and stuff... Those were the Science-y terms Weiss and Ren uses, right?

"There it is, folks! The Valkyrie Ultimate Swing! Oh my Oum! It's about to go into the bleachers!" She mock-officiated her game due to not having anyone to do the job for her. She also wore a mustache, for realistic effect.

The Grimm landed somewhere far away, she couldn't tell. Go ask Weiss to measure. All she knew that it was far enough to be...

"A HOME RUN! And the crowd goes wild!" Nora ran around the perimeter, as if she was actually playing baseball. "Look at there, folks! The Valkyrie created a beautiful comeback after previously losing in the first inning! Oh how I wish I could've done that back when I was her age!"

But before the hammer-wielding girl could continue her celebration of being alone, she felt a presence from behind her. How did she know that? Because she has 'Nora Senses'!

Pretty awesome, right?

Turning around, she would one of the last people she thought would ever appear in front of her...

"Cardin?" The boy visibly shook upon calling his name. "What are you doing here?"

Truth be told, Nora didn't necessarily _like_ Cardin even after he changed. She knew he was trying his best to become a better person after that incident at Forever Fall (which she knew off because of Pyrrha), but simple words such as apologies wouldn't be enough. For her it would, since she was never targeted by his bullying. But what about the things he did to people like Jaune? Surely he can't be the _only_ victim here.

"Holy crap, what was that swing right now?" He asked, pointing at the direction where the Boarbatusk flew. "I use a mace, and even _I_ can't do that!"

Not sensing any hostility from the boy, Nora grinned while flicking her nose. "Oh, that? That was nothing! You should've seen the time I rode on an Ursa! Or about the time my team killed a really large Death Stalker! Man, I miss those days!"

"Sheesh, the rumors were right. You are scary..." Cardin whispered; hoping Nora didn't hear him.

"What are you doing spying on me anyways?" Nora tilted her head as she neared the boy. "Do you want me to break your legs or something?"

"What!? No!" The boy backed away in surprise. "Why would you even say that?"

"I dunno. It sounds like something you'd be into." She shrugged.

Cardin shivered; finally allowing himself to back away to a safe distance. "I'm not a massochist!"

"You sound like one."

"Just because my voice sounds gay, doesn't mean I actually am!"

"I dunno about that." Nora squinted her eyes. "You could be either to be honest. But don't worry, I won't judge!"

His eyes twitched, but didn't push on the matter. Sighing in defeat, he spoke. "Well, after what happened in Forever Fall, I simply wanted to make amends. Jauney-boy said not to mess with his friends. So I thought, 'Hey. If he doesn't want me to hurt his friends, maybe I could become one of 'em.'"

"And you chose me as your first official friend from our group?" Nora paused before giving out a large grin; one that may even fix the broken moon flying in the night. "Alright! This calls for a party! Cardin Winchester finally turns a new leaf, and starts it by making me; Nora 'Queen of the Castle' Valkyrie, his first ever friend from Team JNPR and RWBY!"

The boy looked surprised, he must've expected some kind of rigorous training before he gets the gingers approval or someting. "Wait, that's it? No hidden tests or anything? No breaking my legs? Nothing?"

"Well, I wanted to smack you with Magnhild for bullying Jaune-Jaune." She smirked, earning a frightened look from the boy. "But I'll let it go for now. What we need to do right now, is play Grimm Baseball!"

"Grimm...Baseball?"

"Yeah! It's like normal baseball, but a lot more fun and life-threatening!" The hammer-weilder gripped Magnhild as she sensed another Boarbatusk run towards her. "Watch! It's really easy once you get used to it!"

And just like the previous try, Nora used all of her strength to make the poor Grimm fly into the air. Although, she seemed disappointed for some reason.

"Aww, it didn't go as far as the last one." She pouted. She then turned to the ex-bully with another smile. "But that's okay. Your turn!"

"What?!"

Before Cardin could even run away from the girl, he was immediately switched with Nora's earlier position. Not wanting to get eaten by Grimm, Cardin frantically pulled out his mace. He closed his eyes as he waited for the Grimm to come at any moment.

And then he waited...

He waited some more...

He waited again...

He waited so much that the author of this story was replaced by a much better one, one who could actually pull off proper jokes without the need of using clichés and has a great imagination.

"Where the hell are the Grimm?!" Cardin shouted as his ire grew. He was scared during the first couple minutes of waiting for them, but this was just stupid. "Why did they appear when _you_ wanted them to?!"

Nora shrugged, not really understanding the power of logic. "I dunno. Maybe they don't feel your negativity?"

"Huh?! How does that make any-"

"Ooh! I know!" Nora quickly ran towards Cardin and gripped Magnhild like a baseball bat. Her smile instantly turned into a manic grin, a dark aura surrounded her body. Her movements became slouched as she slowly approached Cardin with the eyes of bloodlust. Her voice became from high-pitched and happy to growlish and frightening.

**"You think after what you did to my friends and those other people, I'd just forgive you then and there?"** Nora suddeny cackled with a broken voice. The poor boy feel on his bottom upon hearing the voice and the overall vibe she was giving. **"You're a fool, a loser, and nobody cares about your existance."**

"V-Valkyrie?!" 

**"You know what they should do to people like you?"**

"W-What?!"

**"PEOPLE LIKE YOU SHOULD BE FED TO THE GRIMM!"**

"Augh!" He tried to run, but his legs kept on giving on him. He didn't even get that far. He barely avoided eating dirt the second time he fell. "What is wrong with you?!"

"Look! There's a Grimm right there! Hit it with your mace!" She pointed to herself in accomplishment. "See, I told you my plan to attract them would work!"

"Wha- WOAH!"

Not even having a chance to ready himself, Cardin was immediately lifted up from the ground into the high air.

Hey, remember that Nevermore that Team RWBY fought during initiation? Yeah, it's about that size. Yes, Cardin is being lifted to the air by it and is planning to kill the boy by devouring him. No, Nora isn't doing anything to help. And no, Cardin didn't die. The boy barely escaped using his mace to screw with the Nevermore's ability to fly.

Losing the ability to fly, the Nevermore crashed right into Team RWBY's dorm. Specifically, into Yang Xiao Long; cutting off her arm in the process.

From that day onwards, Cardin Winchester learned one important thing after becoming friends with the Queen of the Castle...

Never ever play 'Grimm Baseball' with her...ever again...

* * *

**Well, that's the end for this one.**

**So yeah, go check out Mallobuade's 'Hands-on Education'. It's really good! And it's a Nora's Arc shipping! It's definitely way better than my stupid spin-off of a story.**

**Reviews are love. Just like the RWBY fandom, except the fandom is a lot more violent than the show itself. It can be a Compliment, Complaint, Suggestion, and/or Criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**


	5. Nora Valkyrie [Boys 2-2]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Context:
> 
> This chapter was uploaded in Fanfiction.net _9 months_ after the last one. I've developed a new style since then and my humor somewhat changed. While there isn't any smut, this chapter does get a lil' bit smutty.
> 
> You have been warned.

**Hi, I'm Crazyman! Back with a new chapter.**

**I promise, you'll love it. You'll love it so much that you'll even kiss it good night and cuddle together in bed.**

**What? Surprised that I actually updated this story? It may not be much of a priority compared to my more serious fanfics, but I don't want to waste the free time that have been given to me. Still, I'm kinda bummed out that I didn't write any content for this story for like what - 9 months? Blonde Memories and JOAT kinda took time slots of my semi-strict writing schedule I had back then.**

**But who the fuck gives a damn about that?! I all I care about is that I'm back and alive, baby! I'm unstoppable, untouchable, and-**

**I'm almost about to die from being attacked by shippers...**

**Someone! Send help! Please!**

**Anyways, enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**Nora Valkyrie [Boys 2-2]**

**ReNora (Nora x Ren...duh.): Pancakes Filled With Love**

"Another batch of twenty pancakes, coming right up..." Ren sighed as he delivered the plate to Nora. His hair was disheveled and looked like he just came back from a war filled with Grimm.

Now he's in a war with Nora's stomach. Something much, _much_ worse than any S-Class Grimm...

"Thanks, Ren!" Like the elegant pancake-loving lady that she was, Nora gobbled down everything in one go. Of course, she did it with poise and elegance. She even used the proper fork! Beat that, Weiss! Honestly, don't all girls have the ability shove big things in their mouths? She never had a problem with that. You could even ask Jaune.

Although, he was still traumatized back when she managed to shove his sword down her throat for that magic trick...

"More!" Nora ordered as she grabbed the plate and shoved right in front of the poor boy; who was catching his breath after all the demands. "I need more pancakes!"

"Nora..." Ren took a deep breath and wiped the sweat off his forehead. "I'm all out...of ingridients, I mean..."

Out of ingredients? That can't be right... "But didn't we just go to Vale to get a hundred puncakes worth of ingredients? I'm supposed to have four more refills before we go back to the supermarket tomorrow!"

"Ugh, how do I say this?" She heard Ren grumble to himself. Honestly, how _did_ Ren use everything? Did he acidentally spill all of it after seeing a stray Blake or something? "...We're all out of syrup."

"But you said I'm not even allowed to have any syrup..." Nora eyed him; who was starting to sweat under his hair. That's weird. Ren never sweats like that. He only sweats when he's half-naked in the Emerald Forest meditating at exactly ten in the morning under the hot rays of the sun, which she _totally_ doesn't go to every single day just to see him undressed and drool at those toned abs that he has.

Excuse her, but she has morals. Unlike some people...

"Ren, are you hiding something from me?" She closed the gap between their faces and gazed into his eyes. Those pink, handsome, and hypnotizing eyes of his. Oh how she could just stare at him like this all day, falling into the abyss that will suck her in. He sure can suck _her_ in if he wanted-

No! She can't go out of focus now! She had a mystery to solve!

Curse you, Ren's pretty eyes!

"Nora, I assure you I'm not hiding anything." Ren did his 'I'm serious' face for the two hundred forty-fifth time this year. No really, she actually took notes in how much he did that. She tried to see if he was lying by staring, but those handsome eyes of his keep giving her some very _filthy_ thoughts. Thoughts like Ren being on top off her, both of them not even wearing clothes. Then he eats her _pancake_ before he slips his-

See!? He's doing it again! Darn you, Ren!

_"This isn't gonna work. At this rate, I'll be splashing water faster than the garden hose I used to jump-rope with."_ She averted her eyes away, staring at the plate definitely helps clear her mind of Ren. _"Hmm... Maybe if I ask for more pancakes, then I can spy on him! Genius!"_

"Okay then!" She perked up; handing her plate to Ren. "Now gimme more, and uh, _take your time_. 'Kay, Ren?"

He sighed, but still took the plate in his hands. "Give me about, fifteen minutes...I promise."

She nodded her head in confirmation. Ren then gave a tired a nod of his own before going back to the kitchen. The huntress stared at him, waiting at least two minutes before going forward with her new objective.

Mission: "Check what Ren was doing with the pancakes.", is a go!

Nora sprawled her body on the floor. Crawling with the stealth of a spider hiding in the dark, she sneaked herself out of the dining room and carefully made her way to the kitchen. There was no way anyone would be able to see her. She was practically invivisible! Now all she needed to do was cross the sleeping area and then-

A shriek came from Jaune's bed. Oh no! He must be in trouble!

Forgetting her espionage for a second, Nora quickly stood up and stared at Jaune's bed. Balling up her fists, she prepared herself for battle. "Fearless Team Leader, are you o...kay?"

Instead of some Grimm absolutely ravaging her fellow teammate, he just sat there half-naked and the sheets right above his hips. Strange, there was a big weird lump under the covers as well. And wait, Why was Jaune wearing a beret and sunglasses? He was inside a building and it was raining. What's the point of wearing those?

"I'm fine, Nora!" Was he sure? His voice didn't really sound all that convincing. Before she could even say the next thing on her mind, Jaune quickly pointed at the kitchen. "Ren's over there making pancakes, you should see him!"

Remembering her important mission, she quickly ducked and crouched as low as she can. Whew, she really needed to thank Jaune for reminding her. She would've been caught if it weren't for him. She quitely approched his feet, "Thanks, Jaune-Jaune." She whispered before going away.

Now that that's over, she had to move. Nora knew she wasted time, and time was not something she could waste. She needed to be quick but careful, calm but alert, Stealthy but-

Well, it would've been better if Jaune wasn't making those moaning sounds and saying "Oh, Coco..."

Like geez, can't he shut his mouth just this once?

Anyways, the kitchen was right there! She pressed her ears to the wall, spies always observe before they take action correct? Some slapping sounds were heard from inside, followed with Ren grunting every couple seconds. Hmm, seems like nothing bad was happening. He's probably making the batter for the next batch.

"Argh!" A loud shatter was heard from inside the room. What happened?! Did he hurt himself?

Standing up and grabbing the door knob, Nora barged in the room. "Ren! I heard something drop to the floor and..."

Nora stopped in her tracks as soon as she saw Ren.

More importantly, the _lower_ half of Ren's body.

"...I can explain..."

"You...You..." She blushed; pointing between his legs. "T-That was the _syrup_...?"

Ren looked away; covering his dignity. "It's the thing that was _making_ the syrup..."

Both of them quietly stood in their place, not moving an inch or making any sort of noise. Wind flew across the room, sounds were not made except from the breeze. Not wanting to be exposed for much longer, Ren slowly moved his arms to pull up his pants. Not even two seconds in, his best friend stopped him. She had her face down and her eyes closed. Moments of silence passed before Nora finally got the courage to face him.

Both of their eyes met.

"C-Can I join in, Ren-Ren...?" Nora uncharacteristically squeaked. She always dreamed of this moment, but this is _not_ how she thought it would be! She thought it'd be somewhere around the time she finally confessed to him. Not...whatever was happening now!

Ren silently picked her up from the ground and placed her on the countertop. Her heartbeats sped up as he inched his face closer to hers; slowly spreading her legs in the process. It didn't take Ren that long to meet her face, yet it felt like an eternity with how slow he was going.

The Lotus boy smiled, "I'll let you join in, Nora. Let me have a drink first. Then we can start cooking."

"D-Drink?"

Soon after those words were said, Ren suddenly kissed her. Nora gasped out of shock. Although, it didn't take long for her to return her feelings. Their kiss deepened as Ren carefully took away her lower clothes. She grasped his neck; not wanting to be separated with the man she loved. Their lips separated. Lust was evident in their eyes.

"Ren..." She moaned as she caressed his face and pulled it closer for another kiss.

But instead of returning it, Ren kissed her neck instead. His lips made its way from her neck down to her abdomen. Her breaths hitched as Ren made his way down. Red-faced from all the foreplay; she whimpered. "No wait...!"

Ren went on lower and lower until his mouth grinded against her-

XxXxX

Nora gasped as she woke up from her dreams.

Looking around the room, she saw Jaune minding his own business and Pyrrha nowhere to be seen. Nora saw her legs; seeing that she was on a bed with sheets on. It must've been another dream, just like the others. She sighed as she went back to bed, staring at the ceiling as her mind organized itself back in order.

_"Man, that was really something else. Felt a little bit too real if I had to say anything about it." A weird feeling developed in her gut. "Darn it, Ren. You're making me feel weird. Either that or those pancakes are starting to settle in."_

"Hey Nora, are you okay?" The Lotus Boy approached a fresh batch of pancakes on his hands. He sat down on her bed, placing the pancakes on the drawer beside the bed. His hand reached out to touch her forehead. "You're hot, sweaty, and I'm pretty sure I heard you gasp for a second there."

Her frown slowly disappeared. At least she could always count on Ren to be caring. Even if she's not sure he'll return her feelings, she would be glad to have someone like him as a friend. "I'm fine, Ren-Ren! Just got a little bit surprised from this huge beast I fought in my dreams!"

Ren gave a chuckle before patting her on the head. "Well, then I guess you should eat up. Can't fight imaginary Grimm with an empty stomach now, can you?"

She awkwardly laughed. Taking the plate into her hands, she poked the food with her fork. She wasn't really feeling all that hungry, if she was being honest. "Yeah...Can't fight Grimm on an empty stomach..." She looked up to him, "Hey Ren, can you get me a glass of water or something?"

He smiled before taking his leave. The more distance between them increased, the more her smile faded away. Nora stared at the pancakes; not even touching it. Another sigh escaped her. As she observed the meal sitting on her lap, she noticed something that caught her eyes.

A piece of paper was jammed between the pancakes.

She looked at Ren's direction; checking if he was still there. Once the coast was clear, she swiped the paper away from the pancakes and read it.

_"Dear Nora." She whispered; quiet enough for Jaune not to hear. "If you ever read this; and hopefully not gobble it up along with the pancakes, then I would like to say thank you. Thank you for being there with me during my hardest times; times where only you were able to fill the missing gaps of my disenchanted heart. Thank you for bringing light into a world which I've lost all glimmer of hope in..."_

The huntress couldn't help but warmly smile at the letter. All sorts of memories and emotions filled her mind. Those harsh days when they were just a bunch of kids. The days where they starved to death. The days where they struggled to walk. The days where they walked under the harsh rain; hands tightly clasped in order to not lose one another. Even Nora herself can't believe how far they had managed to come. From a couple of homeless orphans to students of the famous Beacon Academy.

She slightly shook her head; effectively taking the memories distracting her. The time to look to the past was over, it's time to look into the future. The Orange-haired girl returned her eyes to the paper; surprised to see the letter had more to offer.

_"But most importantly..."_

She flipped the page over.

_"Thank you for letting me drink from that amazing pussy of yours."_

Nora fainted soon after.

* * *

**Aegir (Nora x Neptune): Swimming Lessons**

It was a pleasant day in Vale's local swimming pool.

Everybody were busy doing their own thing. Weiss and Pyrrha were bathing under the sun. Ren and Blake were sitting in the kiddie pool; watching over their child. Jaune gently held onto Ruby's hand as they headed towards the deeper side of the pool, letting her experience being on the deeper parts of the pool for once. Yang was on the diving board. They even managed to get Sun and Neptune in on the action with both of them doing excercises on the side.

Nora, however, was nowhere to be seen.

"Cannonball!" Yang squealed. Falling into the pool with the force of a Boarbatusk hitting against a wall. Water splashed high into the air, wetting everything near her area. She rose up from the water moments later; a bright grin spread wide across her face. "Woo hoo, that was a blast!"

"I'll say!" Nora emerged from the water right next to the blonde; wearing a snorkel and goggles. "That right there was the biggest splash I've ever seen in my life!" She pointed at Yang's chest area. "Nice view by the way."

"Nice view...?" Yang looked down at her mounds.

Only to see her bikini top detached from her body. Completely exposing her assets for all to see.

"Kya~!" Yang covered her breasts and submerged herself in the water. "Where did my bikini go!?"

Helping her fellow friend and big bust buddy, Nora immediately spotted the missing clothing from Yang's body. "I found it! Hey Sun, can you give Yang's bra back?"

Both women made eye contact with the monkey faunus. But instead of tossing back the cloth like a normal person, a mischiveous smirk appeared on his face. "Well, I could but-" Sun made a dash for the locker rooms. "You have to catch me first!"

"Sun, you little!" With a face redder than a bouquet of roses, the blonde chased after the faunus. Good thing the only people at the moment were Team RWBY and JNPR. If there were other people around, they would _definitely_ enjoy the view she was giving. Yang was so fast that she had already managed to lift herself to the ground and chase Sun into the locker rooms. "Come 'ere, monkey boy! You're not going anywhere!"

Nora laughed before getting out of the pool herself. She took off her diving gear and fervently shook her head. The water from her hair sprayed all around the area. She was near Weiss, Pyrrha and Neptune. The first two merely got annoyed; though it was mostly Weiss, and Neptune screamed his lungs out.

Seeing him scream made her realize something.

He never got in the water, did he?

"Hey you!" Nora pointed at Neptune.

"Me?!"

Nora pulled up her shorts before walking over to him. She wouldn't want what happened to Yang to happen to her, right? Since it was literally the only thing covering her bottom as well, stupid Ren forgot to dry clean her panties. So once the shorts were out, her bottom was also out.

"Yeah. What's up with you? We've been here for thirty minutes already, and you haven't dipped in the water!"

"S-Swimming? I'm fine, no need for me to swim!" He tilted his head to the side. "Besides, intellectuals like me don't even need to swim. Go ask Weiss herself. Right, Snow Angel?"

Either Weiss didn't hear him or she pretended not to. But she didn't care what Ice Queen thought of, she was going to make this boy swim if it's the last thing she does! Why? Because she wanted to!

Grabbing him by the wrist, she pulled him towards the pool.

"Nonsense! Everyone needs water from time to time! Don't you want to learn some swimming lessons?" She grinned; clearly oblivious to the trembling man she was holding onto. "Step 1: Swim!"

Nora pulled Neptune, but he didn't budge. She tugged on him a couple more times, yet his feet seemed to be stuck to the ground. Nora pulled him with all of the strength she had, but he's not even moving! He's like a statue!

This wasn't working. She grabbed him by the legs and carried him bridal-style. "Alright, on the count of three!"

"Hey! Let me-"

"One!"

He squirmed under her grasp. "I said, let me go-"

"Two!"

"Let go of me, you crazy woman!"

"Three!"

Nora dunked him into the water. He rose to the surface pretty quickly, which was a surprise considering the fact that he probably hasn't touched a pool in a while.

"Go Neptune! You can do it!" Nora happily cheered.

"Somebody! Help me!" He screamed, "I'm drowning!"

"Pfft, stop joking around. You're already doing so well!" She encouraged him. "Just stay on the surface and you'll be fine!"

"I can't breathe..." He slowly fell into the water. Geez, how overdramatic can this guy get?

"No no! You're supposed to do it like this." Nora then imitated swimming as best as she can on land. She flapped her arms mid-air, demonstrating the butterfly stroke. She then jogged in place, showcasing the bicycle kick. She even got on her back and graciously moved her arms in a counter-clockwise motion, teaching him how to do the back stroke.

"...and then you get up, get your medal, and brag to everyone that you're the best swimmer in the world!" Nora turned her attention back to Neptune. "Didja get that?"

The only thing she saw was blue. It wasn't Neptune's hair. She looked even deeper into the water and saw him on the deepest part of the pool...

He's probably practicing how to hold his breath?

Nora waited a couple more seconds. He's gonna get up soon. He's got to...

Her face darkned when she realized Neptune wasn't moving in the slightest.

"Uh oh." Standing up, Nora took a huge breath of air before diving to the deepest part of the pool. On the way there, she saw a couple of fish swimming. Why are there fish? This is a private swimming pool, not the ocean! She'll have to file a complaint sooner or later.

There was even a pinapple at the deepest section and even another diver holding a sponge and a starfish hostage.

Man, this place is weird.

Carrying Neptune into her arms, she used her world-class swimming to get back to the surface in record time. Once they made it back to land, the other teens apart from Sun and Yang surrounded them.

"What happened!?" Ruby said; touching the body. "Is he even alive?"

"What did you do, Nora?" Ren asked her.

"I was just teaching him how to swim, I'm not doing anything bad!" She huffed and crossed her arms. "It's not my fault he couldn't follow the basics."

"Oh my." Pyrrha looked away and scoured the nearest emergency phone station she could find. "I'm going to call the medics, you guys watch over him while I'm gone." She left the scene.

"You guys need to calm down." Weiss; the voice of reason, pulled out some lipstick and cautiously applied it to her mouth. The man was dying! Yet, she's here applying make-up? How is that gonna help?! "Clearly we need to give him some CPR, and I know just how to do it. I am a Schnee after all."

Of course! Carbonated Pancake Repulsion! How could she forget that!? Before Weiss' luscious lips met Neptune's, Nora shoved her out of the way. "Move, Princess! It's my fault, so I should be the one to do this!"

"But...But..." Tears slowly started to form on her face, she rushed away to the bathroom. "I was so close!"

"Come on, Brake." The cat-faunus and Ren ushered their child away from the scene. Not wanting to expose him to such a vulgar actions at a young age. "Auntie Nora will take care of it. Let's go back to the pool, okay?"

"Okay mama!"

Which leaves Jaune, Ruby and Nora to be left alone to un-drown Neptune. Nora puckered her lips for safe measure before forcefully kissing him. She even added some tongue in to make sure it works. A couple of minutes passed and nothing was happening. She deepened her kiss, but there's little to no effect. Why wasn't it working?!

She was feeling all hot and bothered over here, yet he's not even waking up. How ungrateful of him.

"Nora, you're supposed to blow. Not make out with him!" Jaune blushed as he covered Ruby's eyes; saving her innocence and shielding her from the filth. "Yang's lucky I'm here, no one would've been able to cover your eyes. Speaking of, where is Yang anyways?"

She was supposed to blow him as well?

Just like a flick of a switch, Nora perked up and went for Neptune's trunks.

"No! Not that kind of blowing!" Jaune shouted. Ruby on the other hand, started to have a nose bleed. "Can't you use your semblance to pump the water out of his lungs, Nora?"

"Great idea, Team Leader!" Nora got up and rushed off to the kitchen; clad in her bra and shorts. She barrowed a fork and ran back to the pool area; not even caring about the millions of eyes staring at her. She found the nearest electrical socket and shoved the fork inside. Power surged through her as she kept getting electrocuted.

"Hah~! This never gets old~." Nora melted; a satisfied grin spreading across her face. There was actually something people _didn't_ know about her semblance. It was that it actually had a side-effect on her.

What is that side-effect you ask?

Something was dripping water, and it _wasn't_ the fountain near her...

Once finished, Nora made her way to the Neptune and placed both of her arms on his chest.

"Clear!" She shouted before pushing with all of her might.

It has to work, it _needs_ to work. Like seriously, his body already made a huge crack on the floor. If this doesn't work, might as well dig him up a grave and leave him there. Nora pressed once again. Bits of water came out from his mouth.

Ruby gasped, "It's working! Keep doing it, Nora!"

She grinned back at her before looking back at Neptune. She lifted her hands up once again. "Third time's the charm!"

She slammed her palms down on his chest, creating a crater on the ground and making Neptune puke out a lot of the pool water he drank. The trio cheered as he kept on throwing up all the water in his lungs. "He's alive!" All three of them simultaneously said.

The blue-haired boy woke up and coughed, "Ugh...What happened?"

"You drowned." Ruby plainly said.

"What!?"

"Yeah, you drowned. But Nora managed to save your butt by slamming you into the ground." Jaune got up and held Ruby by her hands once again. "Come on, Ruby. Let's go to the diving board and get you naked like your sister!"

"Sure thing, Jaune!"

With the two gone, Nora and Neptune were left alone. Neptune stared at his orange counterpart; clearly unsure on what to say. Nora silently waited as he gathered his thoughts in silence. It actually kinda reminded her of Ren before he turned into a father. All calm and collective. Nowadays, he's smiling with Blake and having fun with his kid.

"So, uhh..." Neptune started. "Thanks, I guess?"

"No problem, partner!" She felt a tingling in her stomach. Her semblance was taking effect again.

Both of them heard dripping noises, but Nora was the only one who knew _where_ it was coming from...

She gripped his wrists once again and dragged him towards the locker rooms. "Well, now I have a problem. You're gonna help me with it!"

Neptune gulped in fear. "What are we going to do now...?"

"I electrocuted myself and now I'm horny." Nora gleefully galloped to the locker rooms with Neptune in hand. "You better ready up that pelvis of yours, kid. 'Cause we're gonna pull an all-nighter!"

"All...nighter...?!"

But before they could even use the locker rooms, Sun and Yang appeared from inside. With the female on Sun's back and both of them having statisfied smiles on their faces. "Hey guys, what's up?" Yang said.

"Oh, we're looking for a place to fuck." Nora bluntly said; getting a giggle from her female friend. "Is the locker room available?"

"Yeah, but we kinda made a mess there too." Sun answered. "How about the shower area? It's inside the locker rooms and nobody's there to see you."

"Thanks! Come on, lover boy!" He wasn't budging. Maybe a little encouragement would help. "Hey, Neptune." She took hold of her shorts.

"Eh?" She made sure his eyes were on her.

She then removed her shorts, exposing her round butt to him.

"Like what you see?"

The drool coming from his mouth was definitely enough of an indication that he did.

Maybe Ren forgetting to dry clean her underwear isn't so bad after all.

* * *

***Slash* I have now ended the chapter.**

**Comparing this chapter to the last four, my style of writing definitely changed. I swear, the ReNora one was supposed to be a lot less wholesome than it actually is. The humor of ReNora was supposed to be more like Aegir's gag-ish ones. No serious moments, just comedy from start to finish. I mean, this is mostly a shit-post story after all.**

**Reviews are love. I've got Nora, her hammer, and honey syrup. You think I wouldn't use it on you?! The review can be a compliment, complaint, suggestion, and/or criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that.
> 
> All chapters have finally been transferred. Now; like the evil bastard that I am, I'll make every single one of you wait for another 9 months just to get the next chapter.
> 
> Mwah-hah-hah!
> 
> Anyways, peace.


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